31 December 2010

Alter Kocker

--You still think hes in there [the outhouse]?
--Yeah, he's in there.

--Well he's holding onto his shit like it was money
--The Unforgiven (1992)

Well, I'll be damned. It's the gentleman guppy.

You know, he's like a turd that won't flush.


Johnny's playroom

Is a bunker filled with sand

He's become a third world man

--Third World Man
, Steely Dan

Why, oh, why

Did this have to happen?

--Why, Oh, Why?
, Psychostick

Ranger isn't much one for high falutin language, so he's given a cultural piece to stand as metaphor for things that are wrong in the world. The episode seems emblematic of something troubling brewing in the American psyche, as George W. Bush might say.

There are some stories that are so disgusting they must be shared. This report originated while Ranger was communing with nature in the Futureworld waterless urinal at the Mayo Clinic (his original mission was to wash his hands after delivering a gallon of piss to the laboratory for heavy metals testing):

Separated by one thin divide was a toilet stall from which emanated startlingly violent blasts of anal expulsions that would lead to an elevation of alert status if they were heard by a Transportation Security Administration bomb expert. But that is not the story.

The story is that the blastee was on the cell phone during this transformative experience describing the large and great lunch that he had eaten at some indiscriminate earlier moment. He was musing upon the excellence of the thing which led to the current offense. Freud would have something to say about both releasing and retaining the excremental remains of the meal.

So why share this? Why subject other to this episode?

Ranger can't help but wonder from where we have come and where we are going as a race and as individuals on this last day of 2010, a truly awful decade for the U.S. Do we really feel compelled to communicate while shit is blasting from our anal sphincter? Forgive me, but this is beyond my comprehension, truly unfuckingbelievable. TMI.
And yes, the urinal was waterless.

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